Calling Out 'Nasty' Behavior

Why That 'Nasty' Comment Got Us All Riled Up

It is the comment heard around the world, the "Nasty Woman"-gate if you will. During the third and final presidential debate, if Mr. Trump had said "That was a nasty dig/comment/thing to say" instead of calling Secretary Clinton a 'nasty woman', this entire nasty incident would be a non-issue.

What makes it an issue is that it is the epitome of who Donald Trump is. What Trump lacks is the basic ability to understand the impact of his choice of words. It is a sign of immaturity. It is a matter of higher understanding to be able to separate an act or comment from the person(s). What he claims is a war on 'political correctness', is actually his lack of interest, after some seventy years on this earth, in the feelings or basic dignity of others.

You can dislike someone's behaviour or actions, you can disagree with a person's politics, that is absolutely essential to the American democratic system. But one of the first things you learn as you develop relationships is that you can be civil, close, kind, and maybe love someone, even if you don't happen to like their behaviour or opinions on certain things. It should be the basis of every marriage, parenting relationship, work environment, government, educational environment, etc.;

When your toddler throws a down on the floor flailing screaming tantrum in the grocery store, you may be righteously pissed or embarrassed or frustrated, but you still love your child. You still can empathise with being a little person who is having a meltdown, maybe because they are frustrated too, or tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or they don't understand what they are experiencing. They are not 'bad' or 'nasty' children, they are acting/saying/behaving in a manner that you dislike greatly in the moment, but as an adult - we can still see the individual as deserving of respect and decency and compassion even. We do our best as parents and remember that we love these people desperately, we want them to be successful and able to moderate their emotions and thrive, we want them to learn compassion and empathy too.

I know Secretary Clinton made a calculated comment in reference to the lack of proof that Mr. Trump has ever paid federal taxes. I wasn't impressed by it, I know the story about Trump's refusal to release his taxes, I know there is serious speculation that a billion dollar loss he took may have allowed him to defer taxes for some 18 years. I don't approve of 'nasty' comments and asides during a debate, they are not relevant and waste time. But it had the desired effect, Trump couldn't help himself. Instead of using that moment to be the bigger person, to be the adult he should be, he attacked her entire person - not her comment, not to refute the claim and explain why it was wrong, not to advance the discussion, Trump attacked her very essence and then tied it to her being a woman. He didn't say "You are a nasty person', he was caught in the moment and it was absolutely candidly Trump, referring to women with particular terms; weak, lacking stamina, ugly, and yes, nasty.

Even if you don't agree with them, they still deserve civil behaviour

The point of all my rambling is thus, when you are seeking public office, and you are trying to represent all your constituents, the people in addition to your party and platform - even if you don't agree with them all they still deserve your respect and civil behaviour, because you are charged with the mantle of representing their views and needs; not your own. So you need to measure your words, they have impact, think of the most famous Presidential remarks in history. Think of moments of crisis, the ability to see people separate from their beliefs or acts is essential for any leader. Seeing civilians in war zones as human, even if their governments or leaders are acting in a way that is meant to provoke the US into a conflict.

In addition, American children are in the process of learning about the American Democracy System. They will be exposed to elections, campaigns, and events that are happening in real time. As future politicians, voters, tax paying citizens - they deserve to see the best examples of campaigns and ideals, ones they can watch without a censor to evaluate it's appropriateness for children. Certain things, world events, disasters are not meant for a child's unprepared consumption, parents understand that they have a job to do. But a child growing up in US needs to be able to have a president they can respect and maybe even admire for their positive attributes, one they can watch undertaking one of the most important jobs in the world.

Trump has no ability to moderate his impulses, he doesn't think before he speaks. It's not about being politically correct, it's about showing others the respect they deserve as human beings. Understanding that there are circumstances where that is very difficult. We may not condone a sexual predator, we may despise his acts, but you understand he is still a person, a person that will hopefully be met with the full force of the judicial system and public scrutiny, be brought to justice, whatever that might mean.

I might add, I felt similar the moment I saw the tape of Hillary Clinton refer to some of Trump's loyal base as a 'Basket of Deplorables'. It was precisely the wrong thing to say because it can be taken out of context by anyone who was leaning towards the former Secretary of State's opponent. It was a poor choice of words to say the least, and not befitting a candidate for President who is hoping to eventually represent all those 'deplorables' if elected. It is also glaring because Clinton is a lawyer.

There are certain inalienable rights that apply to even the most heinous individual

One reason that lawyers in particular may be more successful politically. They learn to carefully consider their words in the courtroom, they learn that there are certain inalienable rights, including constitutional rights, that apply to even the most heinous individuals. That may be a changing trend, I hope it is. Nurses and teachers, engineers and innovators, business moguls and volunteers, everyone who is self-actualised understands that government is meant to represent all the people, and their unique skills and perspectives can only make a good system better, not perfect, just improved.

There is no such thing as perfect. There is only 'better'. You can work to do better next time, to study more, practise harder, to improve; but there is no end marked perfect. You just need to embrace the concept that there will never be a perfect outcome, you do your best, and you learn from the process. Trump needs to go back and be that father in the grocery store with a toddler in meltdown, he needs to go back to learn that it's OK if everyone doesn't think or act exactly as he wants them to, and that's why America is already great.

Does Trump Have Any Real Friends?

For the last year, I have been waiting to hear from all of Donald's childhood friends, the ones he went to school with, the ones he grew up with, even those he has made in business and worked with over the years. Not his employees, not his progeny, not those that have been on the apprentice, those are not lifelong friends. What does it say about a man that has few, or possibly no, actually friends?

Since Trump has no political background or 'public' evidence of philanthropy, he has escaped a lot of the scrutiny that most running for office face. He eschews responsibility from any 'terrible' things he believes the US Government has done because he has never once participated in any form of public service. His unwillingness to release any tax returns also leaves a big question mark about his actual financial status. However, what most people do have, whether they are political actors or not, are friends that will speak kindly on their behalf.

The media and the GOP are not his friends. At best, the media presents him as a somewhat erratic but dedicated man of the people. At worst, Trump is called out on his lies and inaccuracies, his bizarre behavior, and his highly inflammatory statements. The GOP seems to be getting in line behind a man that they hope will allow them to continue business as unsual in Washington. As of today, only one registered Republican member of Congress, Rep. Richard Hanna of New York, has said he will vote for Clinton. While a handful of other Republicans have distanced themselves from Trump by saying that his views do not represent their own, few have actually taken the next logical step of rejecting him as their Candidate. 

So does Donald have an 'inner circle' of close friends developed in his 70 years on this planet? If he does, I have managed to miss the interviews or statements of each and every one of them. If you can name one that I have somehow overlooked, I would appreciate a link to the appropriate source. I cannot find evidence of any close friend speaking on Trump's behalf, nor has he presented a name of any single person that can vouch for his character over many years. He often alludes to what 'people are saying' or 'I have heard', but there are never any names attached to these assertions.

Why does it matter that Trump may have no real friends? It matters because normal people can and do maintain relationships over a sustained period of time. Most people have someone, even just one friend, that will vouch for their character. Many journalist and psychologists have put forth the very plausible suggestion that Trump has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As a nurse, I can honestly say that most people running for the leadership of a country have a healthy degree of narcissism, but the disorder is a very different from a merely inflated degree of self-importance, it walks right along side of being a psychopath. 

The Mayo Clinic, DSM-5 Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Trump's constant cries of being treated unfairly by the media, of being "the only one who can fix" the world's problems are not only childish, but incredibly dangerous. A true psychopath has no understanding of relationships, and no ability to empathize with other human beings. Not every psychopath (or sociopath as it is also known) is a danger to society, they usually are functioning people who simply lack the ability to fully empathize with others. Psychopathy only becomes dangerous when an individual has no ability to empathize or even sympathize with other human beings and acts in a manner that is dangerous or criminal. Again, these represent a very small percentage of those diagnosed with any degree of Psychopathy, but in the case of Donald J. Trump he is nailing every possible symptom of both Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy. He is dangerous. He is dangerous for America, and he is dangerous for the planet.

Without friends, and without empathy for others, he simply can't make decisions when American lives are on the line. Trump displayed this spectacularly in the past few days as he first insulted a Gold Star family, the Khan family, then went on to suggest his business achievements are tantamount to giving one's life in service of country. What is shocking to me is the number of people in powerful government positions, almost entirely GOP, that have refused to speak up and denounce his outright bigotry, misogyny, racism, xenophobia, and disregard for even a modicum of sensitivity. That is the real story here. Why are generally sane Republican politicians not speaking out against this very dangerous man who is entirely bereft of any statesmanlike qualities?