A Child Named 'LOVE'

My Child,

I am amazed by you and can't believe how time flies. It hits me even more now that you are 11 going on 12. Happy New Year 2017 little person who loves friends and family and life so fiercely; You will do anything to protect them, understand them, help them, listen to them, stand up for them, and forgive them, and that makes you a true Mensch.

You amaze me with your wit and sense of humor, something you clearly inherited from my side of the family. Your endless curiosity, your abilities, and your willingness to learn make you so special. Never stop being this great kid, but always reach for your independence and your own dreams. You are a true geek with a love for Star Wars, Super Heroes, Lego, XBox, Nintendo, Harry Potter, Pokemon everything, and all the scientific facts you can soak up. The fact that you are reading "The Hobbit" for pleasure at the moment tickles me no end.

You were the 1st place final tournament winning MVP of your ball hockey league last year, that impresses me so much; Your skill and teamwork combine perfectly. You love the Maple Leafs, Team Canada, Toronto Blue Jays, The Marlies, Toronto Raptors, and TFC Soccer, and know more than I ever will about sports. It makes you a force to be reckoned with. But, I really know that to you, it is all about the 'Team Work' not the prize. Maybe sometimes, it's about the Jersey or the glory. You do live out all your passions through your wardrobe, as you should.

This past week reminded me of all these things, and that you have so much potential that it gives me hope for the future. You love to cook, you love to create art and structures, you love science, you love history, you love fantasy; You love to ask a million excellent questions, you love to cuddle and be silly, you love to debate and to learn. You love to play practical jokes, and you love to read. You love trying new things and flavors, you aren't afraid to get your hands dirty. You love animals and science, and you understand inequality and humanity. You care about the planet and you care about how we treat it. You care about your people and you care about the people you have never met too. How special it is to be so aware at such an early stage, how much information you have access to, how many things are just a few keystrokes away.

Not everything you discover will be good, some things are very scary and disturbing, some people do things that we will never understand, some people just do so much evil. Please remember that when you find one of those things you can come to me and talk about anything, I would rather know that you are upset about something or have questions about something. I know how much you love to talk things through, please know that my job is to be here for you for all the things, both the great ones and the not-so-great ones. And if you can't talk to me, if something makes you feel that you need to talk to someone else, I will be proud of you for finding that other person to speak to.Talking through your feelings, your ideas, your questions, your fears, your challenges or problems, is a sign that in a way, I have given you a very valuable tool for life.

You work so hard to make everyone happy, you have deep feelings and complicated emotions, but you always find a way to put others' before your own needs. You give me the certainty that your generation will be the one that finally heals this planet, it's environment, it's borders, it's people, it's animals and plants, it's food, it's medicine, it's technology, it's safety and prosperity; I am filled with renewed hope for humanity because of you.

Your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard. The way your brain works, the speed of connections and response, is mind boggling. Your kindness and friendship are interconnected. You actually listen, and speak after thinking, a skill all too lacking. You balance your serious time with lots of relaxation and amusement, never ever lose that ability.

You are never driven by rewards, and want to have a future where you are have a career you love, even if the result is that you will have a very modest income and limited means. You accept everyone based on who they are, not their religion or race or appearance, not their finances or conditions, their life choices or means of self-expression. You need to know how rare that is. It is a gift to the whole world.

Whether you become a Medical Researcher, a Geneticist, a Writer, a Champion of Human Rights, an Artist, an Engineer, a Lawyer, a Designer, an Analyst, a Marine Biologist, a Comedian, a Chef, a Craftsperson, a Communicator, a Politician, an Organizer, a Teacher, a Social Worker, an Architect, a Game Developer, a Drug Developer, a Parent, a Partner, a Pet Owner, or Blood Donor; Perhaps some marvelous combination of any of these and the many more we will very likely discuss in the future, I know you will find your place. Then there are the other things we have discussed at three in the morning while looking at silly memes and laughing until our sides hurt that I have likely forgotten. What I do know is that you will do everything to the best of your ability and with as much passion as you can, and that is exceptional.

Life is never perfect, as you very much understand and express. People make mistakes - sometimes ones that can hurt themselves the most, people hold grudges, people hurt other people both emotionally and physically, people have mental health challenges to face, people blame themselves for things that are not in any way their fault. Always accept blame if you have made a mistake, but only accept it to learn from it and become an even better person. Taking on blame that belongs to other people who have acted badly or made mistakes will not help you grow into a more actualized person, it will only prevent you from moving on.

I love how strong you are, I love how you move around the world. Your body is perfect, and it always will be. From the way you hold your head up high that makes my heart fill full of pride, to the way your arms can squeeze me in a hug, to your special toes that wiggle with glee; You are exactly who you are supposed to be. Whether you colour your hair green or shave it all off, whether you pierce your ears or cover yourself in ink, I will still see my child in your eyes, that mischievous twinkle will never change. Only you get to decide about your body, and I know you will do your research to make sure you make the best decisions you can at the time. The best gift I could ever think to give you is the autonomy to make your own choices in life.

Crying is normal, it does not make you weak or silly. Crying is the way our body tells us that our heart is hurting. Laughing is essential, when you laugh you release some of those bad emotions and breath in newer better ones. Joy and Celebration is a the way our bodies react when our good feelings surge and our happiness can hardly be contained. Never let anyone make you feel bad for having pride, for jumping for joy, for hootin' and hollerin'. The key here is to allow yourself to cry when your heart tells you to, not your mind. Laughing should be spontaneous and bubble out of your tummy, never force a laugh to pretend you feel the same way as another person. Celebrate your wins in ways that have personal meaning to you, but don't ever gloat or be mean. I know you know all these things baby, but I love that you live these values in such a loving way.

People make poor choices when they are hurting emotionally and physically; Addictions like food, anger, self destruction, illicit drugs, alcohol, attention, and avoidance are all very tempting ways to self-medicate, it's ok to admit you have made mistakes too. There is no such thing as weak, just sick, and as long as you have a mind that is still willing to try, there is always hope for you and everyone in the world. Asking for help is sometimes the hardest thing to do, but it also takes the most bravery. Bravery is not an absence of fear, it is the ability to use the power of your will to stomp down the fear and do what must be done anyways. There is no such thing as perfect, as I always remind you, there is only better. Practice makes better, sometimes but almost never "Perfect".

I hope that when you are older, if I am very lucky, you might think for just a fraction of a second "Thanks" and think of me when you are reminded of some advice I once tried to pass on to you, hoping it might help someday. That is the highest compliment anyone could ever give me, that would be my living legacy. How full my heart will always feel.

So my child, what I am trying to say is that I love you, just the way you are now. I will love you tomorrow, and I will love you until the end of time. There is absolutely nothing you could ever do that will change the way you have filled my heart with love. I promise to always be here for you when you need me. I promise to hold you when you cry, to celebrate every success you find, and to laugh and be silly with you for all the days that I have. I will always honor your right to make choices for yourself and for your future, I will do everything I can to give you the tools to discover your own passions for yourself. I will love the people you love, I will give up anything to protect your from those who would even think of hurting you. I didn't teach you to how to love, you were born with that miracle, but I can definitely say that you taught me what love really means; How a heart can feel like it is growing in size each day we spend together, how just the thought of you makes my heart feel full and warm all at once, how I anticipate the things you will say, and discover, and dream, and do in the world as if they are the very air I breathe. Yes my child, you are Love.

Calling Out 'Nasty' Behavior

Why That 'Nasty' Comment Got Us All Riled Up

It is the comment heard around the world, the "Nasty Woman"-gate if you will. During the third and final presidential debate, if Mr. Trump had said "That was a nasty dig/comment/thing to say" instead of calling Secretary Clinton a 'nasty woman', this entire nasty incident would be a non-issue.

What makes it an issue is that it is the epitome of who Donald Trump is. What Trump lacks is the basic ability to understand the impact of his choice of words. It is a sign of immaturity. It is a matter of higher understanding to be able to separate an act or comment from the person(s). What he claims is a war on 'political correctness', is actually his lack of interest, after some seventy years on this earth, in the feelings or basic dignity of others.

You can dislike someone's behaviour or actions, you can disagree with a person's politics, that is absolutely essential to the American democratic system. But one of the first things you learn as you develop relationships is that you can be civil, close, kind, and maybe love someone, even if you don't happen to like their behaviour or opinions on certain things. It should be the basis of every marriage, parenting relationship, work environment, government, educational environment, etc.;

When your toddler throws a down on the floor flailing screaming tantrum in the grocery store, you may be righteously pissed or embarrassed or frustrated, but you still love your child. You still can empathise with being a little person who is having a meltdown, maybe because they are frustrated too, or tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or they don't understand what they are experiencing. They are not 'bad' or 'nasty' children, they are acting/saying/behaving in a manner that you dislike greatly in the moment, but as an adult - we can still see the individual as deserving of respect and decency and compassion even. We do our best as parents and remember that we love these people desperately, we want them to be successful and able to moderate their emotions and thrive, we want them to learn compassion and empathy too.

I know Secretary Clinton made a calculated comment in reference to the lack of proof that Mr. Trump has ever paid federal taxes. I wasn't impressed by it, I know the story about Trump's refusal to release his taxes, I know there is serious speculation that a billion dollar loss he took may have allowed him to defer taxes for some 18 years. I don't approve of 'nasty' comments and asides during a debate, they are not relevant and waste time. But it had the desired effect, Trump couldn't help himself. Instead of using that moment to be the bigger person, to be the adult he should be, he attacked her entire person - not her comment, not to refute the claim and explain why it was wrong, not to advance the discussion, Trump attacked her very essence and then tied it to her being a woman. He didn't say "You are a nasty person', he was caught in the moment and it was absolutely candidly Trump, referring to women with particular terms; weak, lacking stamina, ugly, and yes, nasty.

Even if you don't agree with them, they still deserve civil behaviour

The point of all my rambling is thus, when you are seeking public office, and you are trying to represent all your constituents, the people in addition to your party and platform - even if you don't agree with them all they still deserve your respect and civil behaviour, because you are charged with the mantle of representing their views and needs; not your own. So you need to measure your words, they have impact, think of the most famous Presidential remarks in history. Think of moments of crisis, the ability to see people separate from their beliefs or acts is essential for any leader. Seeing civilians in war zones as human, even if their governments or leaders are acting in a way that is meant to provoke the US into a conflict.

In addition, American children are in the process of learning about the American Democracy System. They will be exposed to elections, campaigns, and events that are happening in real time. As future politicians, voters, tax paying citizens - they deserve to see the best examples of campaigns and ideals, ones they can watch without a censor to evaluate it's appropriateness for children. Certain things, world events, disasters are not meant for a child's unprepared consumption, parents understand that they have a job to do. But a child growing up in US needs to be able to have a president they can respect and maybe even admire for their positive attributes, one they can watch undertaking one of the most important jobs in the world.

Trump has no ability to moderate his impulses, he doesn't think before he speaks. It's not about being politically correct, it's about showing others the respect they deserve as human beings. Understanding that there are circumstances where that is very difficult. We may not condone a sexual predator, we may despise his acts, but you understand he is still a person, a person that will hopefully be met with the full force of the judicial system and public scrutiny, be brought to justice, whatever that might mean.

I might add, I felt similar the moment I saw the tape of Hillary Clinton refer to some of Trump's loyal base as a 'Basket of Deplorables'. It was precisely the wrong thing to say because it can be taken out of context by anyone who was leaning towards the former Secretary of State's opponent. It was a poor choice of words to say the least, and not befitting a candidate for President who is hoping to eventually represent all those 'deplorables' if elected. It is also glaring because Clinton is a lawyer.

There are certain inalienable rights that apply to even the most heinous individual

One reason that lawyers in particular may be more successful politically. They learn to carefully consider their words in the courtroom, they learn that there are certain inalienable rights, including constitutional rights, that apply to even the most heinous individuals. That may be a changing trend, I hope it is. Nurses and teachers, engineers and innovators, business moguls and volunteers, everyone who is self-actualised understands that government is meant to represent all the people, and their unique skills and perspectives can only make a good system better, not perfect, just improved.

There is no such thing as perfect. There is only 'better'. You can work to do better next time, to study more, practise harder, to improve; but there is no end marked perfect. You just need to embrace the concept that there will never be a perfect outcome, you do your best, and you learn from the process. Trump needs to go back and be that father in the grocery store with a toddler in meltdown, he needs to go back to learn that it's OK if everyone doesn't think or act exactly as he wants them to, and that's why America is already great.

Children Talk Trump

Having the occasion to spend a few hours with my nephew and nieces, ages 10, 12, 14, and 19, we were flipping channels looking for Olympic coverage when we happened to land on a station featuring yet another shocking story about Donald J. Trump. Trump stood on a a dias, behind his podium, not surprisingly sliding in yet another dig at US President Barack Obama, or as Trump calls him 'Barack Hussein Obama'. This time he was making light of his witty use of sarcasm after having doubled down on his claim that the current president, along with his M.V.P.  Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, were the actual founders of the terrorist group ISIL. As he laughed off the incident as a clear example of sarcasm, Trump couldn't help but give his audience one more gem by adding "but not that sarcastic" in a mock-muffled tone.

Why am I surprised that I am no longer surprised by the sheer volume of verbal diarrhea coming out of candidate Trump? When did this become something I can almost anticipate like clockwork in conjunction with his first Tweets of the morning and ending with his final call of the day to his pep squad over at Fox 'news'.  Is everyone who has been subjected to over 12 months of Trump, not unlike a form of ongoing torture, so used to the shock and pain that we have adjusted our truth-o-meters to accommodate bananas? If we have become immuned to it, what is happening to the children who are watching the Trump campaign break every rule we have been trying to teach them since the history of forever?

We teach our babies to; be gentle, be kind, be a good friend, tell the truth, say you are sorry, play nicely with others, share, be polite, be compassionate. We teach them by showing them the example of lived values. We praise them if the situation warrants, we laugh with them, we cry with them, we help them learn coping strategies. We tell them that there is value in a good work ethic, that cheaters never win in the end, that as long as they do their very best, we will be their biggest cheerleaders. We tell them it is wrong to make fun of people who have limitations or are different from them, that children are children are children. We tell them that boys and girls are both wonderful and important people, and that even though they might not have many persons of colour in their class, that the world is a beautiful place because everyone is different, and everyone has their own unique beauty and gifts. Most of all, we tell them that when they are older and they find someone they love, someone that treats them with loving respect and kindness, that we will be happy for them, because love is precious and all people deserve love.

I looked at the faces of these four amazing kids, all with varying degrees of confusion registered on their faces, and I decided it was time to turn off the television. I really worry about what kids are taking away from the 'race to the bottom' Election 2016 coverage. I decided it was time to check-in with them and ask them what they thought about what they just saw. I simply posed a question and the responses of these four kids, all raised in different homes, all talented in a dozen different unique ways, are a very small snapshot of what parents across the globe, and particularly in the US are currently juggling, actively or perhaps by their inaction.

So I asked the question, a kid-friendly and appropriate question, one I would be likely to ask after a rough day at school or squabble among neighborhood children;

Q: If somebody said something really mean about you, something that wasn't true, and then apologized to you, how would you feel? How would you feel if right after that person made an apology, they said "but I'm not THAT sorry"? 

Without missing a beat, all four sun-bleached, tanned and wide eyed kids starting to shake their heads back and forth. The youngest, and only boy, immediately said precisely what I anticipated from him. A very empathetic and loyal friend, he piped in with "then that mean person was never really sorry at all, they were just saying it because someone told them to". He shook his head a few times and threw his arms up in exasperation adding, "but Trump is a rump". Yes little man, Trump is definitely a rump.

My 19 year-old niece quickly added, "Trump is an old man, he should know that when you say you are sorry for something, you have to mean it. If you can't apologize when you are caught lying, then you are acting like a bratty little kid, not an adult." Yes, she nailed it too. She went on "Trump lies like this every single day, and he even lies about his lies." Clearly someone has been discussing politics in her vicinity, and I owe that person bigtime.

The 12 year old, who spends most days dancing or doing gymnastics, was quick to support her older sister and cousin. "I don't think that guy even knows what an apology is for. Everything he says looks like he is just trying to be funny." Well, leave it to the kids to always call a spade a spade. This little goober went back to trying to do the splits on the area rug in front of the sofa.

Finally, my 14 year old niece looking suddenly much more her age and just returned home from sleepaway camp in Nova Scotia made every one of us in the room choke from laughter as she added, "Oh that's just Donald Trump, he always says crazy things for attention. He is so completely stupid. He knows he makes lies everyday and can't remember what he said, but he doesn't even care because he doesn't know what sorry even means." Then she went back to taking selfies, many many selfies.

Out of the mouths of babes.